Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
