just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
