You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
