oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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