Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
