im holly from the hills drunk
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
