haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
