dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
