Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
