1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
