Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
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She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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