I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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