What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
