i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
