i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
