i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
