she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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