Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize
