and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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