Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
