Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
