Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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