We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
