woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
