Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
