Apparently you make a good broom.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
