not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
