You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
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