Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Randomize
