I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
