just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
