I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
