Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize