Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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