First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
