You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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