I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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