Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
