Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
