nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
