One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
