Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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