Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
