hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I am available for nakedness
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
