You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
