Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
