I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
