I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
