your parents love me but you hate me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
