too bad you live with your parents still
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
