Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
