Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
