Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
