I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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