billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
