My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
