Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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