When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize