i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just gift wrapped bread.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
