you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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