oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
