They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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