broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
