First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
