the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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