hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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