I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
