perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
