Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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