Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
