i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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