i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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