how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
