four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
