Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
