New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
