dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
