Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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