Your face is a jimmy john
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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