you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
