I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
